Thursday, April 28, 2005

Cat language translated into english

[Evil eye stares]
PP: Just wait till you leave for work.

PP: I will now stretch and sink my claws into your lap, wondering why you are screaming at me.

[Head bobb]
PP: Oh, a birdie! Unfortunately this damn window is blocking my path of attack.

PP: I love you. Now I can shed all over you, and in the other room there is a plant knocked on the floor.

PP: (1)You didn't pet me today! (2)I'm drawing territorial lines with that other cat I hate. (3)No, Mister. I am not in heat.

[ ]
PP: Human, I'm not listening to whatever scolding you are trying to give me.

[Looks up, pauses, and then walks away]
PP: Would you tell that damn dog outside to shut up.

[Lies stretched on back]
PP: (1) Well aren't I pretty? (2) What are you waiting for? Pet me.

[Crawls on desk]
PP: I will lay on the paperwork you are trying to get done.

Friday, April 15, 2005

skeptical advertising part 1

"First year FREE!"
PP: Second year twice the regular price of the first year.

"No Payments No Interest"
PP: Interest rate thereafter will be double the going rate."

"We can accomodate any credit rating"
PP: 40% APR. Not bad!

PP: Aged leftovers.

"One Day Sale"
PP: Hurry! We can't get rid of the crap.

"Candy 2/$1"
PP: Isn't that the same stuff from a few years ago?

"Baked Fresh"
PP: But delivered from the other side of the country.

"$1 for 1/2 gallon of chilled orange juice"
PP: Stockperson left it out overnight. Had to get rid of it in a hurry.

"Blended Juice"
PP: To cover up the aged smell from the one juice.

"2 for $4"
PP: 1 for $2. Don't get greedy on me.

PP: Nothin' like the "homemade" taste of Auntee's Apple Pie that's sold by the crate full.

"These businesses support our local farmers with pride!"
PP: By buying the commercial brand from the grocery store. That helps.

acronym adjusting part 1

RDA: Recommended Daily Allowance
PP: Rapid Death Assistance

FDA: Food & Drug Administration
PP: Fat & Disease Accomodators

US Army: Uncle Sam Ain't Released Me Yet -or in reverse- Yes My Retarded Ass Signed Up

ACLU: American Civil Liberties Union
PP: Association of the Criminal Liberties Undertakings

SOS- Not a real acronym. MAYDAY is the common distress call or association to SOS.
PP: Sailor Offering Sex

PETA: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
PP: People Eating Tasty Animals

NASA: National Association of Sentencing Advocates
NASA: Negligent Attorney's Seeking Amnesty

POT: Pharmaceutical Optimized Treatment
If that wasn't enough-
PP: Puffing on Taxes