Sunday, May 01, 2005

tricky food labels

"Some settling may occur."
PP: Yes. Like the settlement between the manufacturer and the consumer group for not providing a fair amount of food to the consumer.

"Natural Flavorings"
PP: Coverup to hide the "alien" ingredients.

"Feed at room temperature"
PP: CAUTION: Highly volatile!

"Water sufficient to process"
PP: What the hell?

"Poultry by-products"
PP: If your gonna butcher a chicken than atleast use the chicken. Okay?

"Pyridoxine Hydrochloride"
PP: Nice to know my cats are running around drugged.

"Pure filtered mountain water"
PP: Straight from the tap.

PP: The kind that eats your sidewalk. Your bones will love it!

"...with Mother of vinegar."
PP: Highly confusing and questionable attempt to be healthy.

skeptical advertising part 2

PP: discounted quality

"10% Off"
PP: Taxes make up for the difference.

"Enjoy a night on the town!"
PP: At your expense!

"Made for you. Made for a lifetime."
PP: Considering a lifetime sentence is only 20 years, I guess that isn't saying much.

"Forget about muddy and dusty roads forever!"
PP: Isn't that kind of an impossibility considering roads are made of dirt?

"Who you gonna call?"
PP: Ghostbusters?

PP: Make your mind up.

"10/88 cents"
PP: Too much work in my head. Round it to the next even dollar.

"YES... We're open again!"
PP: I'd better not ask why you were closed to begin with.

PP: I sure hope it does otherwise it wouldn't be considered food.

"All vehicles have $1000 Bonus Cash Back!"
PP: We raised the price, but you'll feel like your saving alot with the cash back.

"We have our Roots where others have their Branches."
PP: slightly confusing

"Call Chainsaw Dave Today!"
PP: Scary in a horror-like manner.

"Free Estimates!"
PP: Excessive Costs!

"The Largest Sale in our History is Almost Over!"
PP: Bankruptcy Sale!

PP: I hope so considering this is a furniture store.

PP: Nah. Better not inquire.