Friday, June 08, 2007

skeptical auto advertising

"local trade"
T: I told my brother I'd help him get rid of this "lemon" in exchange for part of the profits.

"Balance of Factory Warranty"
T: A few miles and/or days left.

"Great Family Transportation"
T: Crayon marks all over the interior from the kids.

T: It is we who are loaded with salesman BS.

"Hates Gas"
T: Some young punks poured sugar down the tank.

"Lotza Goodies"
T: With loads of mechanical suprises...

"8 pass"
T: No thanks. I'll just pass on her once.

"3.4L V6 is bad, loud knock, haul home $1200"
T: Keeper! LOL!

"Cute Small"
T: No backseat sex

"Looks like new"
T: Drives like old

"Flashy Interior"
T: Sunglasses recommended when driving

"Test Driven"
T: I think we can hide the *ticking* noise if we keep the fan on high.

T: The cars in control, not you

"1992 Chevy Suburban $3.375"
T: Bargain basement giveaway

skeptical advertising, part 5

"$5 mail-in rebate"
Translation: We just made an extra five bucks off you.

"5 piece steel folding patio set"
T: Comfortably cushionless

"$99.99 indoor/outdoor bar with stools"
T: Apparently it doesn't matter if it's raining when your drunk.

"Land-O-Lakes Fat Free Chocolate Milk"
T: But with all the sugar you're bound to put fat on.

"Better Value cat food $4.99"
T: Cost me more in the long run cause mine just look at it.

"Green Label 9" paper plates -- 88 cents"
T: 10 of these equals the durability of one of the "other" brands.

"Hy-Top Fruit Snacks"
T: Little fruit, lots of sugar

"Iron Out $7.99"
T: Porcelain out, too.

"Oklahoma/Iowa Steel Cattle Panel"
T: From across the country we've been helping farmers put their cattle in jail.

"18 inch Driveway Applicator"
T: How does the car fit in?

"Sportsman Generator"
T: Living the outdoor life is grand when you bring the city with you.

"Jersey Gloves"
T: Used for slapping New Yorkians

"Gas grill w/ tank"
T: Usually helps