Monday, February 21, 2005

Safety Tips through the eyes of a pizza delivery driver

Delivery driver motto: Be fast on your feet, not on the street.
PP: Speed and take chances!

[Approaching a stop sign]
PP: No cop, no stop!

From the employee safety guidelines handbook: Never leave your car running alone. Someone might steal it.
PP: Who cares. It's a piece of @#$% anyway.

We guarantee delivery within 30 minutes or it's free!
PP: This location is proud to hold the state record for traffic violations. Like the time Jimmy decided to cut through a residents yard to save drive time. Or when the manager was short help one night and asked a new employee to deliver a pizza with his car even though she didn't have a license.

From the Department of Transportation: When a green stoplight changes to yellow, this means be prepared to stop.
PP: [Delivery driver laughs.]

More from the employee safety guidelines handbook: (1) Owning car insurance is the most basic and essential foundation for a safe delivery driver.
PP: "... yeah, dude, I'm getting a really nice rate on my policy. This is because I have none."

(2) Always attaching a lighted company delivery sign to your car displays a professional image as well as notifying other drivers and residents of your identity.
PP: "Hahaha... that's &%$#ing stupid, man. I've actually gotten myself out of a couple situations with the police. They were chasing me for going to fast on the main drag, so I ditched them and removed my car sign. I drove right by them later and they never even knew. So much for following the law."

No comments: