"Open! 7 nights a week through October"
PP: Then the pilgrims come and take over.
"Save $500 or More"
PP: On a purchase of $10,000 or More.
"TRADE IN YOUR USED CHAIN SAW* AND SAVE!"
PP: We'll exchange it for another used chain saw but sharpened.
"A LEADING CONSUMER TESTING MAGAZINE WARNS: IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE TO DUST, AVOID A BAGLESS VACUUM."
PP: Isn't it good to know our leaders are coming up with such insightful test results?
"Call for Open or League bowling"
PP: Cause the "Open" bowling might be closed.
"An organization that serves, serves... and keeps on serving."
PP: A little too much service for my taste. I was just hoping for some old fashioned service.
"Tired of yardwork?"
PP:Yeah, but unlike the realty ad, everyone knows that buying a house is the surest way to more yardwork.
"22 restaurants offering Buy One Get One Free Valued over $185 for only $20"
PP: Note: Some restaurants may be out of business.
"Catholic Daughters Annual Style Show"
PP: They don't like regular daughters I guess.
"INTIMIDATE THE SNOWFLAKES"
PP: Dress warm. You might be out in the snow for a while.
"I AM Woman... Hear Me SHOP!"
PP: But that would mean us guys would have to come shopping with you.
PP: Pending the bind we're in for selling property on former nuclear test grounds.